Thursday, September 17, 2009

Help with healing

Now that you've broken up, it's time to start the healing process.

If you can, try and cut off contact with your newly ex significant other. While you might want to be friends with them (or they have asked to be friends with you), now is not the time for that. You both need to heal, and get over feelings you might have, whether they be positive or negative. Maybe in a couple of months, you might be able to forge a friendship - and they could end up being one of your closest friends, seeing as they know you very well - but now is not the time. You need your space, they need theirs.

- If for any reason you need to contact your ex (you accidentally left your sweater, a book, etc. that you want back or figuring bills if you lived together), e-mail them. Keep the e-mails polite and neutral but short and to the point.

- Don't ask how how your ex is doing - if your ex isn't doing so well, you'll want to run to them and comfort them. If your ex doing good, it'll make you feel horrible, and reopen wounds that may have begun to heal.

- If possible ask a friend of yours to pick up stuff that you might have left. Asking a mutual friend can be putting that person in the middle... it's a hard position to be in. Asking a friend of yours, or more your friend, the friends will not feel so torn. They will be loyal to you. As much as it will kill you, do not ask about your ex.

- A friend of mine told me you need about a week for each month you were together to be fully over that person. It seems like a lot of time right now, and only you will know if you are healed, it might be before, it might be after, go at your own pace. But it's a good frame of reference for now, a good base.

Facebook (and other social networking websites)
n this day in age, everyone and their mother has Facebook. Most of my friends are in the habit of deleting their exs from their facebook. For a long time I didn't understand the meaning and purpose of this and kind of thought it was stupid. I later realized the reason my friends did this to prevent them from looking and keeping tabs on theirs exs. While I still maintain it's not absolutely necessary to delete them, it does take a lot of will power to refrain from looking at your exes page. If you think you can refrain from looking, then there's no reason to delete your ex. If you feel you might be tempted, then you should delete them. Checking up on your exes facebook, is the same as asking your mutual how your ex is doing, but in some ways worse. While your friends might give a quick one word answer, facebook book will be more brutal, and you don't need that while the hurt is still fresh.

As for the "relationship status" change, well, that's up to you. Some friends I know immediately change their status the second they break up. Other people I know kept theirs up, mostly because they weren't ready to "tell the world" about their break up. My boyfriend and I both share the opinion that our relationship is our business. Our friends know we are together. If something happens in our relationship, that's between us, and our friends will probably find out when we are ready, and it will not be proclaimed to the world on the web. However, I realized most people do not share our views these days. Unless you WANT people to know you and your ex have broken up, there are features to hide your status. I would suggest hiding your status until you are ready to have it "known to the world" what your status is, and will be prepared to answer the 50 posts on your wall, asking what's up.

Just like everyone’s cuts and bruises heal differently because of the way our bodies are different, everyone’s heart also deals and heals differently. Just take it day by day. Don’t let anyone tell you to move slower or quicker then you feel is right for you. Only YOU know what’s right for you. Only you will know when you've healed. Do let your friends push you to go out and have fun. Do let them push you to move forward. But Don't let them push you to "get over it" before you're ready. Just pace yourself.

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