Tuesday, September 22, 2009

To hate, or not to hate, that is the question...

After a breakup, I've known plenty of people to wish that, their exes parents didn't "screw them up so badly." Regardless or whether or not his parents fucked him up, it’s up to him. I know some people from “perfect” families, who are screwed up beyond belief, and I know people who are from ridiculously screwed up familes, who turned out pretty awesome despite everything that they have been through. It’s all a matter of what you take and do with the experiences you go through. Some people learn and grow from things in their life, and experiences, some people choose to play the blame game and/or the why me. Whether your ex plays the blame game, or goes why me? It doesn't matter, you have to learn had to take responsibility for your actions, and your ex is not doing that. You're aiding that by blaming your exes parents or friends.

I've had friends make excuses for their new exes. Even though everyone else knows how badly their exes treated them, they still continue to defend them. Time to take off the rose colored glasses.

I've also had friends really be mad at the way their exes treated them (and then dumped them), and then be embarrassed for their emotions.

It's actually better and healthier for you to have that hate and rage for your ex. You should not be embarrassed about it. Your ex never called you? Don't make the excuse "He's not a phone person." Feel free to be mad about it. Your ex never got off the couch and did anything, it's really okay to be mad about it!

You need to let that anger out, to be able to heal. Let the anger wash through you, so that it can leave you. Funny as it sounds, sometimes you DO need to let it out, all those negative emotions, to finally be able to move forward and move on.

One friend of mine suggested writing a letter to your ex with all the things you ever wanted to say to your ex, but never said (because you didn't want to have a fight, didn't want them to be offended, etc.). Don't send the letter, but write the letter as if you were. I would suggest hand written or document on wordperfect, instead of an actual e-mail, as you don't want to accidentally hit send. This might help get some of the anger out, and let those feelings go. It might help you feel like you tied up loose ends, without the actual confrontation.

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